2018

I wanted to start off my new year writing - penning down my thoughts & reflections of 2017 & organizing my resolutions for the new year, so here I am.

2017 hasn't been good, neither has it been bad. But it sure was full of surprises! I started off the year without any resolute which was probably why it spun out of control, both in the right & wrong directions.Through & through, I'm still glad I went through the year without losing anyone I loved. 

Here's a post-event review:
Relationship
I spent my past 4 years thinking about the what-ifs and could-have-beens, and this year I've finally found closure. I know that my past will remain my past and in life, we really do move on from people, even if they were once your world and your future. Now with B, perhaps the temporary break was really necessary for our relationship because it is better than ever. My heart is finally settled and the companionship is truly comforting. Yet, our future is still nothing but an absolute blur. While I'd like to continue to make each day count, I hope 2018 would define where we're truly headed towards to. 

Career
I actually managed to survive a year in my job! Do you know how much of a feat that is considering that my most lao-jiao colleague is only 3 years old? While I got 2 pay raises this year (1 for confirmation, 1 as a counter offer), I'm still not happy with my job. The work is great - I learned so much and this knowledge is really invaluable, but I have 0 attachment to my achievements, my colleagues, my bosses. In the coming year, I hope to absorb more and take pride in my work before leaving for a forever job. And when the day comes that I officially become a manager, whenever that may be, I hope to be a great leader with well-planned thought processes for myself & my team, taking into consideration not just work progresses, but also interpersonal relationships. Because more often than not, you realize that it's not the workload that matters but the people you work with. 
 
Dance
No matter how inactive I may be in dance, it will always be my express lane to gaiety. Surprisingly, every year I achieve milestones that I did not set for myself. 
Bringing myself back to DreamWerkz's 1st production in 2013, I became the center person for each item, 2014 I became main lead, 2015 I was part of the 1st ever alumni team even though I thought I would have stopped dancing by then, 2016 I was stage manager & in 2017 I led the S24 team I was part of.  
I never believed in myself to manage/coach people in dance which is also why I could never bring myself to choreograph. Yet when my instructors let me lead my team, I can only describe it as one of my best & most fulfilling experiences in my dance journey. I'm never ever one for raising my voice & scolding others because I never like it when the tables are turned, and this experience showed me exactly that I could move a team without ever doing either of the 2. I may not be anyone's favourite leader but I still hope that I managed to move some hearts no matter how little or large. I have found renewed respect for all the leaders whom I have come across in my life. 
In 2018, I'd like to choreograph. Perhaps not for anyone but for myself. I'd like to do it with B and have 1 for the books.  

Aspirations

1. I have always always dreamed of being a theater actress; one who dances, sings & acts. While I may not achieve this in this year or ever, I'd still hope an opportunity like such comes by, like how Dorothy was handed to me on a silver platter. 
2. 2018 will be a year when I (hope to) become financially stable-ish. Because I pretty much saved nothing in 2017, it's time to adult and actually have some financial goals. I'll stop signing my life away to IPL packages and start my insurance & investment plans & finally get my teeth & jaw fixed. 
3. I may have a sharp tongue, but I actually treasure the people around me very very much. This year I'd like to show more appreciation to each and every one of them.
4. I want to keep dancing competitively and remind myself that while it is very easy to feel comfortable dancing, there will always be something worth pushing yourself for. 
5. Get a new job.  
6. Sick of hearing how fat or piggy I am or "have you put on weight again?" (pls just stop). Wanna reduce my body size & cut down the fat % & lemme be a Singaporean size S again plsplspls.
7. Would love to dress better, find better fit & flares for my body shape and buy better quality clothing instead of poorly-stitched scruffy nonsense from Taobao & blogshops.

There I have it, a poorly written reflection & resolution that I wrote after a 4 hour sleep. Can't wait to see what 2018 holds, yet would like time to slow down slightly. Another year passed also means that my parents & dog is a year older, which is not our favourite reminder. So many sudden deaths this year has made me think deeply about life; people's insecurities, hidden personalities & resilience. I hope I can be stronger mentally and get through this year happier.