Constant change

When I started 2014 in tears, I thought it was an omen for a bad year. But honestly, it hasn't been that bad of a year. I've made many epic memories to keep, yet it has been one heck of a year that has changed the constant in my life. 

I never imagined it possible for so many things to happen in the span of one year or less. I've had so many happy moments, yet I remember the times I cried most. 

I feel so unprepared for everything - work, relationships, dance ... I've never been so unsure of all the decisions I'm making. Should I really go full time on my hostel job? Am I sure about spending/wasting time on him? Is it really wise to put in so much time and effort in dance despite starting a new phase in life? I still feel so reckless, so irresponsible, rid of any responsibilities or commitments in life and immature. Having fun and enjoying myself is still my top priority. I don't enjoy working, neither do I like putting my emotions on the line or dancing in a place I feel stagnant and old at. I wanna go out there... Do a tattoo, get drunk, waste my days in bed watching movies and falling in love (not out of it). 

Yet with that said, I am letting this last day (before work starts) pass without even a whimper and I've just bumped my ass around the house feeling like shit anticipating dance at 9 shitty pm.

Tomorrow everything changes. It's the start of work with no end in sight. I work solely for the money, nothing else. Not self achievement, fulfillment, nothing. I'm clueless about my future, but I'm sure as hell saving up money and leaving this hellhole in a year to see the world. I've travelled quite a bit this year and I'm sure traveling is something I want to do.

Now, I just gotta set it in motion.