I have no job, no cash and nothing (intellectual) to do. I go out but I find that there's nothing interesting I want to do. And when I actually wanna do it, the mother fucking weather has to ruin it, not like my silent bf has anything to say to make me feel better anyway.
This past 2 weeks since my exams has ended has been nothing but monotonous. The activities and conversations I engage in requires no use of my brain. I think going out to town would help but I realise I'm just spending unnecessary $$ on food and walking about aimlessly, nothing I can't do at home. Then I realise, all I need is a book!
You know what makes me bored to tears? It's the lack of emotions I've had. I have not felt the slightest hint of happiness, sadness, anger or pain & if there was anything like a mood-o-meter, it would probably read anything from a zero to a zero. This is what makes me sad. And then again, this is an oxymoron because I am feeling sad. But to feel sad because you're bored, I don't think I'd consider that an (actual) feeling either.
People say I invest too much time in dancing but I say that it is the best exercise I can ever get. I feel happy, I'm working out, I'm actually using my brain (memory work and whatnot) and I get to catch up with my friends. I don't understand how can I have "too much of dancing". Yea, I complain the hours I need to put into dancing is ridiculous sometimes but that's when I don't have enough sleep and need to dance all day. But right now, I've got enough sleep & energy but nothing to do. I'm afraid all this idling will make me a retard of sort.
Living is tough, and I hate living. Always making the wrong choices and doing the things I dislike, not much different from a wandering ghost.
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