FAN NAO

Tranny Tieno

Xiaobai

Rocky

New found fave snack @ Ikea! So good I had 2 bowls of this. Ok, but that was too much.

Fur (L)

I absolutely look forward to every weekend to see this guy and touch his shaven head (I do that all the time when I see him, when I'm out w him, before I sleep, when I wake up...).

Honestly, getting together with him has been my biggest joy. Yeah, everyone says it's still the honeymoon period that's why. But he has shown how considerate and thoughtful of a person he is since the beginning and I don't think it'll change 'cuz he has been the same for everyone?

I really think he is too good for me because my character is nothing close to his.

Him aside, I feel I no longer look forward to coming home.

I used to come home with a feeling of warmth knowing I could drop whatever pretense or facade I had put on during the day and act myself once I walked through the doors. 

But recently, it's been all about knowing how to keep quiet and not angering mum.
You complain I'm short-fused and refuse to talk to you. I always was and am and it's really my fault at times but seriously, when all you do it complain or put me down, it leaves me no energy to wanna tell you any of my problems.

All you ever talk about nowadays is how you never see me study and you wanna see results, that you will not top up my card and you will not pay for this and that when really I've hardly ever been claiming anything from you.

When I come home and eagerly show the new choreo I learned at dance, you always tell me I am stiff and unnatural and this and that like I'm never ever good enough even when Tien is watching it with you and begs to differ. 

Perhaps Tien sees the good in my dancing 'cuz he's my bf but I've never heard you say anything good about my dancing until you've watched the real performance I put on stage.

I will tell you really truthfully that I have only $20 in 'monetary assets' excluding this week's allowance yet you wouldn't return me the $20 I topped up by myself or the money I need to pay for that compulsory Big Walk outing I have with my sponsorship people. I have not been spending your money - you did not buy me clothes, pay for my food or any other junks in the recent months yet you still have to collect the frigging $5 that I spent buying 3 apps on my iPhone. 

I really wish I had enough money for myself such that I never had to take any dollar from you. Comparing my uni days to my JC days, you have spent less! 

I want to tell you I have not been spending moolahs on online shopping or redundant shit. All I've been doing is topping up my card and spending on fucking overpriced food in school and practically nothing else. 

Afterall, I've been so busy with school and friends, what did you expect me to spend on? But in your eyes, I'm always that spendthrift spoilt girl who spends her entire fortune (if that's what you even call it) on clothes. WRONG.

Hate being broke all the time, not being able to work and study at the same time. 

Why the fuck does 'poor' exist?!

Whoever said "Money doesn't buy happiness" must have been a motherfucking rich dude who never knew the sorrows being penniless brought.

I know being the only child, I've been nothing less of being a selfish, self-centred, demanding, spoilt, angsty, short-tempered brat but I guess everyone has REAL issues at times?!

When I dance, I feel that's when I'm me.

But ever since the Friday Advance Classes, it has put my morale down too much...

I suppose I'm just good at copying the teacher's choreo well (?) which is why I've been able to pass the Junior and Advance Team auditions? But after the Advance Class and realising how everyone has a hiphop background and me being the only fresh (& noob) hip hop dancer with a modern dancer background, it has put me down so so so much.

When it comes to basics, I find it so damn hard to even get the freaking groove and my limbs can't bloody co-ordinate while everyone else seems to be doing it naturally. I hate feeling and knowing I am the worst in the class and worrying about how my chances of performing may be jeopardized when all I ever want is to perform.

What has always been my happy 'anti-depressant' pills have very much given me the opposite effect. 

Sigh... too many problems, superficial or not, to deal with...