The storm in my heart

Sometimes I don't know if I'm better off alone. If we're better off without each other. 

I've spent my days convincing myself of many things and sometimes I think I'm successful at that. 自我催眠。But somehow or rather, I'm still sad. (Do people binge on junk food when they're unhappy? Cuz I've been piling on them "happy food" this past weeks). I've spent so many months sad already, no matter what the situation, except for the odd days where I'm exceptionally happy and feel that nothing can bring me down and that there's so much worth living for. It's so tiring to always rely on passing euphoria to keep me afloat. 

In the end it's really about meeting the right one at the wrong time, and I can't even tell who is the right one. Is it possible to be with someone you love and still be unhappy? As clichè as the analogy that a ruined relationship is like smashed glass, once broken never the same even if fixed back, is the single truest statement I've ever came across. 

I'm trying. He's trying. But we don't know where this is headed to, and I can see the unsettledness in his heart. 

I wish someone else would step into my life and free me of such misery. Someone who is standalone, void of connections with anyone. 

On a side note, am so blessed to have (girl)friends who read my blog and were concerned about my situation - coming down to meet me, ringing me or just dropping me a text. Also for those who have spent so much time (months) listening to my fickled ramblings and giving advice. I don't know if I annoy you, but I do appreciate your presence. I'm never the person who is outrightly thankful and sometimes even take people forgranted, but I'm still so glad that I always have someone to turn to and that no one I love chose to walk out of my life (except you of course).

People always wonder why I'm so happy but that's just me. People make me happy. And being around people that makes me happy makes me even happier! Laughter truly is the best remedy (and coverup) for sadness. But then dance plus laughter would make the bestest remedy then :D

These days of waiting for a text that will never come had better be over soon. I still can't concentrate on my studies because I spend too much time brooding over things that can't be solved. Would instead prefer doing things that did not require me to get in touch with my brains.

Let's take a second and thank god for waterproof eyeliners.