means you get all the attention from your parents, don't have to fight with anyone else for the computer, have an entire room to yourself, can have 3 wardrobes filled with ONLY your clothes and can get almost anything you want as long as you throw a bitch fit.
But it also means...
you don't have anyone to fight/laugh/cry with at home, no one to play with at the pool when you're on holidays, have to plan bday surprises for your parents alone, shoulder all scoldings alone, talk to yourself, talk to your toys, play teacher-student with your parents and make-believe friends.
People think being an only child is all that great, but I think it's a curse in disguise. I will never forget how lonely my childhood days were when my cousins/neighbours weren't around. I played alone, swam alone, got bullied alone... Worst of all, it has made me a selfish/self-centred/short-tempered person.
So when I entered secondary school, my motto was: "simi friends also make." and I really did. I made friends with the studious, playful, ah bengs & ah lians, made sure I was never alone, had to go to school and home with someone. For 3 years, I never went to school alone, I never went home alone and I sure as hell made sure I had plans every single day after school or during the holidays. During the last year, going home alone and having stay-home days seemed acceptable but that was the max I was willing to go.
But as I get older, shopping, getting my nails done and running errands alone seem acceptable. Sometimes I think I really am pathetic. I mean, who the fuck does their nails alone?!
And now as I enter uni and my bf's in the army, I've never felt lonelier. This promising place, with so many gleaming socializing opportunities, have made me so many friends, but none of whom I feel exceptionally close to. I am disgustingly picky with the people I wanna open up to - They can't be sticky, can't always be probing about your problems, must give you personal space, can't show 脸色 all the time, can't be temperamental but should always be there for you showing concern. How to make friends liddis you tell me?! Exactly, cannot lor.
When you're an only child, the things you worry about tend to be superficial and basically retarded. But it affects me sooooo much. And late nights like this does not do me any good. Sometimes I ponder about why I've never been single for more than 2 months for the past 7 years and I know deep down it's just to fill that void. To know that no matter what, somebody other than your parents is ever ready to care for you more than anyone else, to be your most condescending sounding board. Yet I always abuse this privilege and place my friends above my bf, which I still believe in doing.
In the past, in every dance team, I would have a "best dance friend". She would be the one I went to to change clothes, go to the canteen, dance, practice and gossip with and make my entire dance experience so much more meaningful, enjoyable and memorable. But this is someone I have not found in DWZ yet. My time here is almost up and when this episode of my life is over, I'm afraid it'll just be a vague memory of seeing the same people everyday, laughing at silly jokes, having supper when I'm really not that hungry and dancing really fantastic pieces without really remembering the in-betweens.
Hate what late nights do to me. I swear, your unhappiest thoughts creep up to you and tug you at the sleeves begging you to spend unneccesary sleeping time brooding over it. & this is when not having a sibling plays a part 'cuz no one's there to ease these sleepless nights. (not even a stayover boyfriend who's already asleep can help)
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